Water Cooler

i was pouring water from the water filter at work today and I finally took notice of something funny. The water comes in 'room temperature' (sattvic) and it is both heated to a boil and cooled to almost a freeze, leaving no water left at the original temperature. Then, I have to mix cold and hot water back together to get something that is drinkable. I can fine tune the ratio - do i want perfectly room temp? do i want mildly hot, mildly warm, scolding hot?

This is just like my life. I want the middle path, but I draw from both hot and cold, mix them together, and hope I get the right temperature. A little punk rock music (hot), a little hatha (cool). A little green tea, a little meditation. A little social activity, a little inward focus. A little pasta late at night, a little fasting in the morning. A little getting to bed on time, a little staying up late hanging with friends. A little spending time worrying about nothing, a little feeling relaxed and at peace.

I wish I could say I would like to fine tune this so that things are the middle path all the time, but I really like the heat and cold. It makes life fun and different, gives variety, changes my emotions and gives me life. I'll let you know when I figure it all out... haha.

gotta go now for a lotta doing some work. thanx for listening.

Enlightened being in Portland?

Sometimes it's easy to get wrapped up in 'my religion is the best.' 'My yoga is the best.' 'Eckhart Tolle is the best.'

And then I meet someone like Robert, Turner's brothers friend. He came to Thanksgiving dinner with Tyler, Turner's brother. On the car ride home he was showing me his artwork. I was thumbing through it, and all of a sudden there was this one picture of a few abstract people with the words mind, body, soul and a few other spiritual concepts. Then he started talking about how everything happens for a reason, and all we can do is try our best in life. Honestly I don't exactly remember what he said, but you know when you get that feeling, like 'this person is speaking the truth about life?' Once you know the truth, you get a weird feeling every time you here someone speak it, and you know it's the truth cause it's all the same shit. Well I got that feeling from him. I asked him who he follows, if anyone, and he said he does follow Karl Jung, a psychologist. I just wikipedia-ed him and this is what it said:

Jung emphasized the importance of balance and harmony. He cautioned that modern people rely too heavily on science and logic and would benefit from integrating spirituality and appreciation of unconscious realms. He considered the process of individuation necessary for a person to become whole. This is a psychological process of integrating the conscious with the unconscious while still maintaining conscious autonomy

Wow. Anyway, Robert is awesome. A guy from Montana that moved to Portland so people would accept his piercings and tattoos and so that he could make his art. My hat is off to you, Robert, for figuring out some real shit in life without any particular central guidance.

My guidance is through Eckhart Tolle, and then specifically through Integral Yoga. om.

-Beau

PS - Deepak Chopra is now on twitter, and people will ask him questions like 'is there any way to the truth while still maintaining my christian beliefs?'. And he answers that day. I love technology.

devastation

complete and utter devastation. terrible, terrible, pain. horror. despair. panic. hopelessness.

These are all the feelings that I have felt in the last 2 years on a daily basis. If I go an entire day without feeling any of this, it will surely creep up on me the next day. Slowly I have been able to lift from the fog, step by step, a ray of light, another ray of light, pokes through. This last week or to, with my trip to Florida and Portland, a straw broke the camels back and something has changed forever.

Finally, only a bit out of the fog, I am actually able to look back and realize how devastated I was. Panic attack disorder? ya right... my feelings were really that hurt. If someone stabs you in the face and you scream, are you diagnosed with pain in the face disorder? No, you are actually in that much pain. Well my pain was real. I wasn't panicking for no reason... my whole heart, body and sole were completely broken. Only now can I say that with confidence. Sorry to be so dark, I wish that life weren't so dark sometimes, but that's the way things are. Purification through pain, it's a sutra in the yoga sutras of patanjali. With the mourning of pain, I hold my head high, not forgetting, but feeling every feeling that I am entitled to. Knowing that nothing is wrong with me, except that I give my entire being to every person I know, and for that am susceptible to devastation. And I refuse to change.

-Beau

What is reality?

Our perception is usually interpreted as reality... 'our' reality.

'The sky is gray today, oh look, how sad. What a sad day.' While your neighbor is thinking 'I'm so glad the weather has cooled off, look how it's ready to rain to feed the plants. What a glorious day.'

'I called everyone, and it looks like no one wants to hang out with me. I am so alone.' Where in reality, your roommate is in the garage on the phone, just waiting to come hang out in a second. So, you are feeling lonely, or alone, and then the moment that person makes contact with you, you feel connected and happy. But what was happening the moment before they opened the door... were you really alone? Weren't you really connected the whole time, and your perception just changed?

Sitting alone at work, thinking 'O man, I'm gonna get fired. I know it. I'm doing a terrible job, my boss never tells me he likes my work...' Then, a group of bosses walks over to your office, you're thinking 'Oh, here it comes...' and they give you a promotion and offer to take you out to dinner that night. Did reality every truly change? No... your perception of it changed.

I'm working on having a more neutral and realistic 'reality', not one tainted or colored too much by my own perceptions, not wavering moment to moment, positive, connected, alive, radiant, and grounded.

om

How to attract a partner / keep your partner?

Ok, I'm definitely not the expert, but here's my best answer.

Be peaceful. Hold your own peaceful space. Do everything in your life that makes you a better person. Breath in every molecule of oxygen and know that it is energizing your body so that you can serve the world. This will fill you with glowing light.

Always do the right thing. If there's trash on the ground, pick it up. If someone needs help, stop and help them. Fill your body with healthy food from a store that is doing right things for the world. Spend your time saying good things about others. Allow your own personal passions for life to develop.

This energy will be VERY directed... it will drive away the wrong people, and attract the right people. Either way, it is the right thing.

Wow... what a holistic view of the universe. Now THAT is a lot of responsibility. But take it easy and do what you can, and people will love you for who you are.

who suffers from our laziness?

do the people around us really notice when we're being lazy? Do they say 'I can't believe how LAZY you're being." No, that doesn't happen. We are the sufferers. When we don't try our hardest, everyone else still goes on, not really noticing. It's us that suffer the consequences. From the outside, we may even appear very productive. But who does that benefit?

We know the truth inside ourselves. The hardest when we truly realize what we're capable of. To really know what we can accomplish. Than it is easy to realize what we are not accomplishing, and it makes it difficult to be lazy. Even though I want to be lazy sooooo bad, the world doesn't let me. We need to be true to our inner light and let the vibrant energy shine through, because it wants to so bad :)

self conscious - Self Conscious

define both words on their own:
self - The essential being of a person
counscious - fully aware

Here's the definition when you combine both words:
self conscious - excessively aware of being observed by others

How do these words go from being aware of one's being to becoming excessive of what other's around you think? I don't see any mention of 'others' in the separate definition of either word. I think the secret lies in what we consider our 'self'.

If I only identify with my body, my intelligence, my skills and my abilities, then I very well may be worried about what others think of these things. If my body doesn't look like the bodies on TV and in magazines, and someone else sees that and 'judges' me based on that, my feelings will be hurt. They may not even like 'me' at all, if 'me' is defined by how my body looks.

On the other hand, if I identify with my True self, the presence and consciousness behind my body and mind, the essence of who I am, anything 'wrong' with my body and mind is not a true reflection of that self. Therefor I don't have to be self conscious of what others think of my body and mind.

When people, friends, family, or partners, love You, your essence, the spirit behind the body and mind, there is never a reason to be self conscious.

So once you become conscious of your True Self, there is no reason to be self conscious. Become Self-Conscious to rid yourself of being self conscious.

Oh, and if you want a people filter, do stupid things that would make normal people self conscious, like run around naked and say silly things all the time. It will work as a great people filter. People that would judge you based on your body and mind will easily stop staying around you, while those who like you for your True Self will stick close by.




conscious of oneself or one's own being.